Christmas Vacation 2
by Alicegirl8
Summary: This is what I think may have happened the year following the first Griswald Christmas gathering. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! Lots of Eddie! :)


FADE IN:

EXT: A CHICAGO STREET - AFTERNOON 

We see the Griswald station wagon driving at a very fast pace.

INT: THE GRISWALD STATION WAGON - AFTERNOON 

We see CLARK is driving; ELLEN is in the passenger seat. RUSTY and AUDREY are in the back seat together.

ELLEN 

Clark, slow down. The store will still be there when we get there.

CLARK 

It's not that, Ellen. If we don't get there, all the good decorations will be gone.

RUSTY 

Dad, do I get stuck taking out the knots in the lights again?

CLARK 

No, Russ. We are getting a whole new set this year. 

(Eyes widen with a smile)

EXT: A CHICAGO INTERSECTION - AFTERNOON 

We see that there are four Santas at the interesection and one is coming towards Clark's stopped vehicle.

INT: A CHICAGO INTERSECTION - AFTERNOON 

CLARK 

Oh, Jesus, we don't have time for this.

ELLEN 

Now, Clark, be nice. It's for charity.

Santa knocks on Clark's window. Clark rolls down his window, and grabs a quarter.

SANTA 

Would you like to make a donation to the Salvation Army?

CLARK 

I got you covered.

Clark puts the quarter in the can.

SANTA 

Mr., could you feed your family on a quarter?

Clark grabs a second quarter and puts it in the can.

SANTA 

A fancy car like that, and all you can spare is another lousy quarter?

Clark grabs a dollar and puts it in the can.

CLARK 

Really, that's all I can spare.

SANTA 

That's a really nice brouch you are wearing Miss. How much did you pay for it?

CLARK 

Ellen, give the man your brouch.

ELLEN 

Clark, it's a family heirloom. My great grandmother brought it over from Germany.

CLARK 

That's all we can spare, Sir.

SANTA 

I used to have family heirlooms. I used to have a family. I had the wife, the kids, the house with a picket fence.

EXT: A CHICAGO INTERSECTION - AFTERNOON 

The light on Clark's side has turned green, and people behind him begin honking. Clark is getting fed up.

SANTA 

Then, one day, one sad and desperate day I lost it all to the bottle.

(begins crying)

Oh, dear God.

(looks at Clark's family)

You all should be very grateful.

CLARK 

I have to go. 

SANTA 

Gee, it seems like only yesterday...

CLARK 

Sir, could you step away from the car please?

ELLEN 

Oh, Clark, look at him.

CLARK 

Ellen, we have things to do.

SANTA 

I wish I'd never touched the stuff.

CLARK 

(sighs)

Okay.

Clark rolls up his window and Santa's beard gets caught between the window and the hood of the car. People are driving around Clark honking and yelling. Clark drives on. We see that the beard is still lodged between the window and the roof of the car. The beardless Santa is behind crying into nothing.

PAN TO:

EXT: SAINT NICK'S WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON 

The Griwalds park the car and get out. Clark doesn't noice the beard in the window, but we see it clearly. There is Christmas music playing very loudly throughout the parking lot. They look at the store from afar and see animated 6 foot Santas and Elves saying "Ho-Ho-Ho, Merry Christmas". But none of them are doing in in sync. We see a 18 foot pink metallic tree on the roof of the store, it is almost blindingly lit. And it turns and glitters. Clarks eyes about pop out of his head with delight. The kids look bored. And Ellen is smiling. This is indeed the place for her husband. They walk up talking about the store.

INT: SAINT NICK'S WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON 

Clark freezes at the entrance and is boggled by the decorations, all are huge and loud and bright and tacky.

CLARK 

It's beautiful. Everything in here is so... beautiful.

ELLEN 

It's very... cheerful, Clark.

RUSTY 

Yeah, Dad. It's not as bad as I thought.

AUDREY 

I hope nobody I know sees me here.

CLARK 

Well, kids, what are we waiting for? We'll meet back at this point in an hour.

Ellen pecks her husband on the cheek and pokes at his dimple in his chin.

ELLEN 

Remember, Clark. Don't go overboard. We still have presents to buy.

CLARK 

Heck, me? No way, Ellen. When was the last time I ever went overboard?

ELLEN 

We're not going over that again, Sparky. In an hour.

CLARK 

Alright.

The kids and Ellen all walk away and in seperate directions. 

CLARK 

I don't know where to begin.

BUD 

Hi, how ya doin'? Bud Nelson here, ready to help you pick out anything your little heart desires. Now I can see your a man of great taste so I am going to do you a favor. I will tell you all our best products and what they can do for you. For instance, say you want a yard Santa with his 8 tiny reindeer? Why in hell do they need to be tiny, right? Right?

CLARK 

I - I 

BUD 

Right!! They don't have to be. We have reindeer here that go up to be 10 feet tall with a 15 feet tall Santa. And it can be yours for a low down-payment that fits your means. Would you like to see it? 

CLARK 

Sure.

BUD 

Follow me.

They walk off. 

PAN TO:

Ellen is looking at some very simple tiny ornaments. She is holding each one very delicately and inspecting them. She loves one in particular and keeps hold of it.

PAN TO:

Rusty is looking at some snow mobiles, and some suped up sleds, he then sits on a big snow mobile and pretends he is driving it. A manager comes along and asks him to not sit on the merchadise.

PAN TO:

Audrey is trying to not be noticed by sitting in the Santa's cookie and cocoa bar. She notices a boy that is sitting like her away from his family. He spots her looking at him. And proceeds to come over to her. 

DAVE 

Hi. I'm Dave.

AUDREY 

(giggles a bit)

I'm Audrey.

DAVE 

How'd you get stuck coming to this fun house?

AUDREY 

My dad gets crazy sometimes about Christmas.

DAVE 

Yeah, I know what you mean. You see that man over there by the 6 foot nutcracker toy?

AUDREY 

Yeah.

DAVE 

That's my Dad.

AUDREY 

I'm sorry.

DAVE 

So like I said, I understand. How old are you?

AUDREY 

15.

DAVE 

I'm 16. Wait until your dad shops for a car for you. 

(Sarcastic)

That was real fun.

AUDREY 

So, where do you go to school?

DAVE 

I go to Meremec High School.

AUDREY 

I'm right down the street at Kilmore High.

DAVE 

So, do you want a cocoa or a cookie?

AUDREY 

That would be nice.

DAVE 

Okay, be right back.

PAN TO:

Clark is still shopping with Bud. And Bud is taking notes on a order form of everything Clark wants to buy.

BUD 

Now , right up this ways we have rooftop merchadise.

They walk up some stairs which is still an open view to the lower floor. Clark spots something he has to have. It a blinking Santa Claus that appears as if he is climbing into the chimney. He has a bag of toys and it all makes music.

BUD 

Ah, you see our most popular item, I see. That is our Claus's sack down the chimney model. He does everything. Blinks with lights, and plays music and here listen to this. 

He waves his hand across the Santa.

TOY SANTA 

Ho! Ho! Ho! Better be good, better not pout, if you don't stay away, I will shout. And you have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

Suddenly, music comes from Santa that plays "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas".

BUD 

See, it's a motion detector with a bit of home security added measures. People love this around Christmas, and believe me, if a robber were to hear that, they wouldn't bother coming in.

CLARK 

I love it. Add it to my list.

PAN TO:

Ellen and the kids are standing in the entrance waiting for Clark. Ellen is holding a small brown bag in her hand. Rusty is looking at his watch. Audrey is holding a piece of paper with Dave's number on it and looking dreamy.

RUSTY 

Mom, where's Dad? He's an hour late.

ELLEN 

I don't know, Russ. Audrey, did you pass your dad anytime while you were shopping?

AUDREY 

Mom, you know Dad, and no, I didn't.

ELLEN 

Well, we'll wait ten more minutes than I am having him paged.

INTERCOM VOICE (V.O.)

The Store is closing in five minutes. Please make your selections and bring them to the check out lane.

PAN TO:

Clark and Bud are still shopping. 

CLARK 

Do you have any of those lit-up signs for the yard? Like "St. Nick stop here." or what not?

BUD 

Do we?! Of course, right this way.

INTERCOM VOICE (V.O.)

The store is now closed, please if you haven't checked out, do so now.

BUD 

Here they are. All lit up for you to pick. 

CLARK 

Wow! I have to get back to my family, so I will take one of everything. They look amazing!

BUD 

You got it.

Bud jotts it down on his pad that is very long.

INTERCOM VOICE (V.O.)

This is a page for Clark Griswald. Can you please meet your family at the front enterance please. Thank you.

CLARK 

That's me. 

BUD 

Why don't we go check out then? Ready?

CLARK 

Oh, bit of a problem here, Buddy.

BUD 

What's that Clark?

CLARK 

I don't know how I am going to haul all this to my house.

BUD 

Not a problem. 

Bud calls on intercom. 

BUD 

Johnny, Michael, please assist gentleman at checkout.

Bud and Clark walk down to check out.

PAN TO:

Ellen sees Clark finally.

ELLEN 

There he is, kids. Wow, he didn't get anything???

RUSTY 

Maybe he's mellowing out in his old age.

ELLEN 

Something isn't right here. 

CLARK 

Hi, honey! Hi Kids!

ELLEN 

Didn't you buy anything, Clark?

CLARK 

Did I buy anything?? Wow, you should see it. But I am keeping quite. Don't want to ruin the surprise! Let's just say we'll have the best looking house in Chicago, Ellen.

ELLEN 

Uh-Oh.

They all walk over to checkout where Bud has already begun calculating Clark's bill total. 

Johnny walks up to Bud.

JOHNNY 

We have it loaded up, Bud. Where are we taking it?

CLARK 

Just follow us.

ELLEN 

Clark? Take what? Why are they following us?

BUD 

Okay. You're total today comes to $3,452.89.

BONG! Clark almost collapses.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD STATION WAGON - EVENING 

Clark is driving onto their home address street. Ellen is still yelling at him.

CLARK 

Would you take it easy, Ellen. I know what I'm doing.

ELLEN 

Just so you understand that your Christmas bonus is going towards that bill.

CLARK 

Yes, yes. 

He spots something in his driveway before they pull up to the house.

CLARK 

Why is there an RV parked in our driveway?

ELLEN 

Oh no. Be nice, Clark.

CLARK 

No, oh no. Not again.

Eddie is standing in his pajamas with his hunters cap and dress shoes at Clark's door ringing the doorbell as Clark pulls in. 

CLARK 

Please tell me this is a nightmare.

ELLEN 

Be nice, Clark.

Eddie spots Clark pulling in the driveway. He waves and his pajama bottoms fall down a bit. He doesn't even notice.

CLARK 

Let's say hi, before our neighbors spot him half naked from the waist down.

Clark stops the car in the driveway as the haulers stop in the street in front of the house. 

EDDIE 

Hi, Clark.

CLARK 

Hi, Ed. Just a minute. I'll be right with you.

Clark turns to Johnny and Michael and tells them...

CLARK 

Just load it all into the garage.

Ellen shoots Clark a nasty look. Then turns to her Cousin-In-Law.

ELLEN 

Hi, Eddy.

Eddy hugs her and tries to kiss her but she dodges it.

EDDIE 

So, Clark. Whatchya got in the truck there?

CLARK 

Oh, just some decorations. What are you doing here, Eddie? 

EDDIE 

We just had such a nice time last year, we thought we'd come back. Are you surprised, Clark?

CLARK 

You could say that, Eddie.

EDDIE 

Well, let me get the family on out here to meet you again. They fell asleep an hour ago when you wouldn't answer the door.

CLARK 

I wasn't home, Eddie.

EDDIE 

Yeah, I figured it was something like that. 

CLARK 

But you were standing at my door ringing the doorbell Eddie.

EDDIE 

Yeah, I figured what the hell? Catherine! Kids! Come on out here and see your Uncle Clark!

They all walk out and "Snots" jumps out as well. He runs to Clark's leg and begins humping him right away. Eddie ignores it.

EDDIE 

You remember Snots? He just really loves you, Clark.

CLARK 

No, Snots! No! Stop that!

EDDIE 

Remember, Clark. Just let him go.

Clark consedes and lets the dog finish.

CATHERINE 

Hi, guys! How you all doing?

ELLEN 

Catherine, hi! 

(looks down at her belly)

Catherine, are you expecting again?

CATHERINE 

You know Eddie. Welfare is a big bread winner in our house and they like it when you have a big family.

ELLEN 

How nice.

(looks at Clark, Clark shrugs)

CLARK 

Hi, Catherine.

CATHERINE 

Hi, we were going to call, but you know Eddie.

CLARK 

I do.

EDDIE 

Yeah, and if you remember, this here is Ruby Sue, and her brother Rocky.

CLARK 

Hi, kids.

ELLEN 

Oh my Gosh, Ruby Sue, your eyes are crossed again.

EDDIE 

Yeah, that happened just a few hours ago when we was comin' through town. I hit the breaks, and she went flying. 

(laughs)

Who knew?

ELLEN 

Did Rusty's lip fungus clear up?

EDDIE 

Sure as hell did. 

Ellen leans in to hug Rocky.

EDDIE 

Now, he's got a case of them body lice.

Ellen backs away very quickly. Clark sees that Johnny and Michael are bringing in something very very large that seems to be about 13 feet tall. He quickly tries to save his neck with Ellen by inviting Eddie and the kids in.

CLARK 

So, Ed, what are we standing out here freezing our butts off, come on inside!!

ELLEN 

Clark.

CLARK 

Egg Nog inside. Come on, everyone.

EDDIE 

That sure is nice of you, Clark. I'd be obliged.

Everyone is pushed into the house by Clark. 

EDDIE 

So, where's the egg nog?

CLARK 

Get it yourself, Eddie.

Clark walks back outside to assist the gentlemen that are hauling in the decorations.

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - EVENING 

ELLEN 

I'll get it for you, Eddie. Come with me.

Eddie follows Ellen into the kitchen. Ellen pulls out the Egg Nog out of the fridge. 

EDDIE 

Mind if I have a taste?

ELLEN 

What??! Oh, the egg nog. Sure, go ahead, Eddie.

Eddie cups his hands and spoons up the egg nog bare handed and slurps it from his hands. Ellen is in the middle of getting cups down when she notices. She quickly hands Eddie a cup.

ELLEN 

Oh, Eddie, not like that. Here, have a cup.

EDDIE 

Oh, it doesn't bother me none. I figure why waste a dish, right?

Eddie starts going for another handful, but Ellen stops him.

ELLEN 

No, really, it's no bother. 

Ellen force hands Eddie the cup.

EDDIE 

Ok, I didn't come to impose, though. 

ELLEN 

Really, it's my pleasure, Ed.

Catherine steps in the kitchen.

CATHERINE 

Wow, your house is so nice. I really miss our house.

ELLEN 

Yeah, we are really blessed. But I see you have a new model of your RV out there.

EDDIE 

Yeah, well we were runnin' thin on that older model. Time to move up in the world. Don't want people thinkin' we was hoosiers.

ELLEN 

I understand.

EDDIE 

We got a 1976 now. We are real cozy in that one.

ELLEN 

That's nice.

EDDIE 

Don't you go fallin in love with it though. We're takin' it with us when we leave here after the holiday.

ELLEN 

Yeah, so you aren't staying with us for a month.

EDDIE 

Nope, four. I was talking about that Easter holiday.

ELLEN 

Gee, Ed. Why the long stay?

EDDIE 

Well, you know that management job I was holding out for?

ELLEN 

Yeah.

EDDIE 

Well, it didn't come quick enough, and we have no place to go. I hate to impose, but ... well, ...

ELLEN 

That's alright. We understand Eddie.

Clark walks in. 

CLARK 

Well, everything's unloaded. Ready to decorate.

ELLEN 

Clark, did you know that Eddie is going to give us the pleasure of his company for four months?

BOING!! Clark faints.

EDDIE 

Hmm, must be workin to hard. That's why I always say Carpe Dam.

ELLEN 

Oh, Eddie. Clark?

She tries waking up her husband.

EDDIE 

Why don't you try some of that snortin' salt?

ELLEN 

Eddie, seriously.

EDDIE 

I knew this one guy that snorted that salt, and couldn't pee for three days.

Clark wakes up.

CLARK 

Honey, I was having this horrible horid most insane nightmare. It was terrible. 

Eddie peaks over Ellen's shoulder and waves.

EDDIE 

Howdy, Roomie!

CLARK 

What in the hell...???!!!

ELLEN 

Clark, don't get so worked up. We'll discuss it later.

CLARK 

Where's my egg nog?!

ELLEN 

Clark, you don't want the ... well, nevermind, here you go.

She hands him a cup of egg nog.

EDDIE 

Yeah, I tested it for ya. It is MMMMMM--MMMM Good!!

CLARK 

Thanks, Edward. 

He takes a sip. Then notices Eddie's hands are covered in egg nog. And Eddie is licking them.

CLARK 

Spill some on you, Ed?

EDDIE 

Nope, this was when I was sipping it through my hands.

Clark spits out the egg nog in his mouth and throws the cup into the sink. 

CLARK 

Good Lord, Eddie! What is your problem?

EDDIE 

Hmm?

ELLEN 

I think we are a bit tired from our long day. How about we all say goodnight. The rest of the family will be here tomorrow.

CLARK 

Ok, goodnight. You too, Ed.

EDDIE 

Don't you kids worry about us. We will be just fine. Brought my ice skates for your pool!

Clark goes like he is going to attack Eddie, Ellen stops him and they turn around and go upstairs. 

CLARK 

For our pool??? Ice Skates??

ELLEN 

He's just kidding, Clark. Don't take everything so seriously. Let's go to bed.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING 

Audrey, Ellen, Catherine, and Ruby Sue are in the kitchen making food for the family's arrival.

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING 

Outside in the garage, stands Eddie while Clark and Rusty pull out some very big and heavy decorations. Rocky is playing with "Snots" in the front yard.

CLARK 

Rusty, hand me that Reindeer over your shoulder.

Rusty tries to lift it but with no avail.

RUSTY 

Dad, it's like 50 pounds. I can't grab it.

CLARK 

Okay, Eddie, can you help Russ out a little there.

Eddie is looking out into no where. Not paying attention.

CLARK 

Okay, Russ, let me get over there.

He walks and lifts his legs over things to get behind the stuff and gets himself trapped behind everything when the family pulls up. Clark is stuck.

EDDIE 

Clark, fam's here.

CLARK 

Thanks, Ed. Picked the right time to wake up out of your coma.

EDDIE 

Yeah, no problem Clark. You'd do the same for me.

CLARK 

Rusty, move that reindeer now out of the way. I have to park the cars.

RUSTY 

I can't Dad. I told you.

CLARK 

Eddie? 

Eddie is back in his coma.

CLARK 

ED!!!??? Can you help me?

Eddie turns around, and walks towards Clark. He grabs a strand of lights and picks them up.

CLARK 

Thanks, Ed. That helps.

Clark Sr. and Nora walk up first to see Clark stuck in the back of the garage.

CLARK SR 

Hi, son! What you doing back there?

CLARK 

Can you please lend me a hand, Dad? I can't get knuckle-head to help me.

EDDIE 

Did you hear that, Russ? He called you a knuckle head.

(He laughs)

Clark Sr moves the reindeer that is blocking his son. Clark moves out into the open air. And breathes a sigh of relief.

CLARK 

Thanks, Dad.

CLARK SR 

So, how are ya, Son??

CLARK 

Just fine, Dad. 

(Turns to mom)

Hi, Mom.

He hugs her.

NORA 

Clark! It's so good to see you. 

Clark Sr and Nora say hi to Rusty and Eddie, but words are inaudible.

Now, Art and Francis are up the drive way. They walk past Clark even though his hands are outstretched for a hug, and they walk to Eddie.

FRANCIS 

Eddie, dear! How are you?

EDDIE 

Everything's dandy! Did you see my new wheels?

FRANCIS 

No, I will have to go see them in a minute. I just wanted to see how you were.

Clark jumps in.

CLARK 

Hi, Francis.

FRANCIS 

Oh, hi, Clark. Where's my grandbabies?

RUSTY 

Hi, Grandma.

She kisses and pinches his cheek, and he quickly wipes them off.

ART 

So, Clark. What you storing in there? The North Pole?

CLARK 

I just got some decorations you know, for the whole family to enjoy.

ART 

That'll be the day. 

He turns to Eddie.

ART 

Eddie, how's life treatin' ya boy?

EDDIE 

Can't complain. Clark has offered me a place to stay for a few months, didn't you roomie?

CLARK 

Something like that. I'm doing the parking. Keys, everyone?

They hand Clark the keys and head inside. Everybody goes inside except Rusty and Clark. 

CLARK 

I drive the caddy.

RUSTY 

Again?

CLARK 

Until you get your license.

RUSTY 

Oh alright.

PAN TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING 

Everybody is talking at once, of course the older ones are talking about pains and whatnot again, and everybody is greeting each other without the ability to make a voice out.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - DAY 

Eddie walks in on the kids who are all seated in front of the television set. The kids look bored. They flip to "It's a Wonderful Life".

EDDIE 

Whatchya kids watchin' here?

RUSTY 

"It's a Wonderful Life"

EDDIE 

That, it is. But whatchya all watchin' here?

RUSTY 

No, Uncle Ed, that's the name of the movie "It's a Wonderful Life."

EDDIE 

Well, I'll be damned! Didn't know there was such a movie called that.

RUSTY 

Do you have television?

EDDIE 

Yeah, what's your point?

RUSTY 

Nevermind.

EDDIE 

Well, you mind if I have a sits down and watch it with ya?

RUSTY 

Nope.

PAN TO:

The movie is wrapping up, and Eddie is crying on Rusty's shoulder. 

RUSTY 

Uncle Ed?

EDDIE 

I never knew that about bells.

RUSTY 

Are you alright?

EDDIE 

Yeah, just one thing though.

RUSTY 

Yeah?

EDDIE 

Why is it called, "It's a Wonderful Life"?

RUSTY 

I have to go help my Dad.

Eddie is still sobbing.

EDDIE 

It's a wonderful life, indeed.

The TV starts playing it all over again.

EDDIE 

Oh, another movie. 

TV (V.O.)

We now continue our three day non-stop marathon of "It's a Wonderful Life"

EDDIE 

Hmm, looks good. 

PAN TO:

Clark is finishing up using his nifty nail light string gun. Where it shoots it into the roof from afar. This was a brilliant manuver by Clark so as he doesn't trip on them like last year. Suddenly, as he is shooting the nail gun into the last row, it strikes the soul of his boot and he freezes. 

CLARK 

What the...?

Clark tries to free himself but to no avail. He has obviously nailed his boot to the roof. He finally pulls his foot out of the boot that is stuck to the roof still. 

CLARK 

Dammit anyway! Russ!!

Rusty comes around the front corner of the house.

RUSTY 

What is it now, Dad?

CLARK 

Hand me that Santa Sacks Down the Chimney.

RUSTY 

K. 

He brings it up to his dad on the ladder.

CLARK 

How's this thing work? Well,...

He posts the Santa on the edge of the chimney and it does look as if he is climbing into the chimney.

CLARK 

Cold, Cold, Cold.

His feet are freezing without the boot obviously. And he begins trying to balance on one foot while plugging in the Santa Alarm.

CLARK 

So cold, so cold, so cold.

He finally gets it hooked up and comes down the ladder as swiftly as possible. 

Rusty is at the bottom of the ladder.

CLARK 

RUSS!!

RUSTY 

Right here Dad.

CLARK 

Oh, there you are. Go inside and get me my other boots.

Rusty heads inside, as Clark "Ooh's" it to the garage to grab another prop. It's the 15 foot Santa with the 10 foot tiny reindeer.

Clark begins to put them up, but as he puts one up, the others fall over. When he puts them up the others fall over.

CLARK 

Dammit anyway! Russ??!!

Rusty comes out with the boots.

RUSTY 

Here you go Dad.

CLARK 

What took so long.

RUSTY 

Eddie wanted to know what "It's a Wonderful Life" was about.

CLARK 

Oh, for God's sake. Here, Russ hold up these reindeer.

RUSTY 

What's wrong with them?

CLARK 

I don't know, they keep falling over. Everytime I get one up the others fall over.

RUSTY 

Did you put the weights in these lids here?

CLARK 

What lids?

RUSTY 

Dad, did you read any of the instructions?

CLARK 

What instructions?

RUSTY 

Here.

He shows him the instructions.

RUSTY 

(continuing; pointing at the paper)

You have to put these weights in the lids.

CLARK 

I knew that, son. 

Clark grabs the weights for the reindeer and they stand very tall. VERY tall. He does the same for Santa. They're yard is almost completely invisible by the statues covering them.

CLARK 

Okay, now we need the carolers and the elves and the nutcrackers and the snowmen and the signs.

RUSTY 

Where are you going to put them, Dad?

CLARK 

Not to worry, Russ. Not to worry. I know what I am doing.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - NIGHT 

Clark is putting the finishing touches on the yard ornaments. He turns around to go get the family and finds he has no way to get to the front door. There is no path and the yard is covered in decorations. So, when all else fails, he hollers...

CLARK 

Hey, everyone!!! Come on out to see the decorations! Oh it's BEAUTIFUL!!!!

He climbs over some of the statues and finally gets to the street. 

Everybody comes out to the front, and everybody must dodge the decorations in the yard by squeezing past the front enterance heading over to the driveway and walking into the street. 

Finally everybody is out in the street in front of the house.

ELLEN 

Clark? What is all this?

CLARK 

Just wait, Ellen. Just wait. This is incredible! Just wait.

ART 

You can't even see the damn lawn, Clark. What idiot covers his front lawn.

CLARK 

Just wait till you see it lit, Art.

FRANCIS 

(is drunk again holding a martini in her hand)

See, kids, what happens when you waste your resources. Looks horrible. 

CLARK 

Okay, everyone. Drum roll, everyone.

They give the same amount of drum roll that they did last year.

Clark plugs in the lights, and everything begins moving and lighting up and blinking and singing and it really is like the North Pole.

CLARK SR 

It's beautiful, Clark. Just beautiful. Way to go, son!

CLARK 

Thanks Dad. You deserve it.

NORA 

Oh, Clark, it's so very... animated. 

(pause)

I love it, Dear.

CLARK 

Thanks Mom.

Clark hugs his parents in gratitude then moves on down to hear praise from his inlaws.

ART 

You spent how much on this Clark.

CLARK 

Thanks for picking this to remember me by, Art.

FRANCIS 

It's very cute, Clark.

(hiccup)

I like it very much.

(belch)

Eddie and Catherine are next.

CATHERINE 

It's lovely, Clark. 

EDDIE 

Oh my God, Clark. 

(pause)

I'm missing that new movie, "It's a Wonderful Life."

CLARK 

Eddie, before you go, tell me what you think?

EDDIE 

About what?

CATHERINE 

The decorations, Eddie.

EDDIE 

What decorations.

CATHERINE 

Eddie...

CLARK 

That's okay, Catherine. Eddie, you better go inside and watch that movie. I hear it's really good.

EDDIE 

Thanks for the review. I think I'll go check it out.

CLARK 

You do that, Ed.

Eddie scurries inside as to not miss anything.

ELLEN 

Oh, Clark, it looks... just like... the store we went to.

CLARK 

Thanks, honey.

AUDREY 

My God, Dad, what will people think?

CLARK 

I'll tell you what they'll think, Audrey. That it is the best damn house they've ever seen decorated for Christmas!

RUSTY 

I love it Dad.

CLARK 

Thanks, son.

Suddenly the volume on one of the statues is getting louder and louder and louder.

Everybody begins holding their ears it's so loud.

CLARK 

What the...?

ELLEN 

Clark!! What is that???

TOY SANTA 

HO! HO! HO! You better be good!! YOU BETTER NOT POUT! IF YOU DON'T GET AWAY, I WILL SHOUT!!!

This repeats louder and louder as the family is trying to yell over it. 

PAN TO:

INT: MARGO AND TODD'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

Margo sits up out of bed, eyes wide open. And Todd gets up at the same time and they bump heads. They yell over the noise.

MARGO 

Todd!!?? WHAT IS THAT???

TODD 

I don't know!!!

Margo looks out window.

MARGO 

It's that TOAD!!! He has some toy on his roof making all that racket.

TODD 

Want me to call the police?

MARGO 

Oh no, this is too perfect. He is going to nail himself this time.

PAN TO:

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - NIGHT 

ELLEN 

Well, Clark, do something!!

Clark is on the roof now, trying to locate a volume button.

CLARK 

I can't find the volume button!!

ELLEN 

Then just turn it off!!

CLARK 

Dammit!! C'mon!! Shut up you stupid Santa!

Clark finally has had enough and he kicks the Santa off the roof it falls down into their pool in the back yard, we hear a couple of muffled "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas", and then finally it stops.

Eddie comes out.

EDDIE 

Will you all stop all that racket? I can't hear my movie!!

CLARK 

It's off, Ed.

EDDIE 

Ok then. 

He walks back inside.

CLARK 

Well, time for bed.

ART 

I'll say.

They all head inside.

PAN TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - ELLEN AND CLARKS BEDROOM - LATE 

Clark and Ellen are in bed reading seperate magazines. Ellen puts down her magazine and kissed her husband.

CLARK 

What's that for?

ELLEN 

Well, Clark. I have to tell you something.

CLARK 

What's that?

ELLEN 

Well, I told the girls earlier that I would take them out shopping tomorrow. Which means you have to take the guys.

CLARK 

No way, Ellen. You can't make me.

ELLEN 

Oh, Dear, I believe we have a score to settle. Remember a three thousand dollar score?

CLARK 

Ellen, are you serious? I got stuck shopping with Eddie last year and I had to buy his dog food and he crushed my lightbulbs, it wasn't pretty.

ELLEN 

You owe me one, Sparky.

CLARK 

Oh, alright. How long do we need to shop for? Five, Ten minutes?

ELLEN 

If you can get me and the kids and your family and my family done in five or ten minutes, then do it.

CLARK 

I can...

ELLEN 

Clark!! You spent two hours at one store a few nights ago and spent over three thousand dollars, and you are going to take five or ten minutes shopping for your family? 

CLARK 

Ok, Ellen. I get your point. Good night.

He kisses her and they turn off the lights and go to sleep.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING 

The Ladies are pulling out in Ellen's minivan. The guys are in the car except for Eddie. Clark is looking for his cousin in law.

CLARK 

Rocky, where's your Dad?

Rocky shrugs, but doesn't say a word.

CLARK 

EDDIE??!!

Eddie comes out.

CLARK 

What the hell took you so long.

EDDIE 

You ever hear of "A Christmas Carol"?

CLARK 

Yeah.

EDDIE 

They're showing that one on the other channel. What is it? Some sort of monster flick?

CLARK 

Yeah, that's it Eddie. Get in the car, we're late.

EDDIE 

Late for what? I thought we were going shopping?

CLARK 

We are, Ed. Let's go.

Eddie gets in the car and they drive off.

PAN TO:

Eddie is talking about his plate in his head in the car to Clark. Clark is in the Driver's seat, Eddie is in the passenger's seat and the others are in the back of the Clark SR.'s van.

EDDIE 

Yeah, see they paid me to go through these series of radiation tests to my plate...

CLARK 

Really, Eddie?

EDDIE 

See, that's how come I forget things now and then.

CLARK 

That's a shame, Ed.

EDDIE 

Yeah, see they paid me to go through these series of radiation tests to my plate...

CLARK 

Eddie, you just said that.

EDDIE 

What's that, Clark?

CLARK 

Forget it, Ed.

EDDIE 

Yeah, been doing that a lot lately.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: BLUE MOON RESTAURANT - DAY 

The girls are all seated around a table and chit-chatting about their gifts they have bought so far. 

AUDREY 

I got Dave a watch that tells time in all the different time zones.

ELLEN 

That's nice, sweet heart.

Ellen suddenly stops talking and notices a waiter coming towards them. He is breath-taking to Ellen. She sees him in fantasy him moving in slow motion and handing her a rose, asking...

FANTASY DIEGO 

Hello, madam. You're wish is my command, my dear. 

(Kisses her hand)

FANTASY ELLEN 

(Suddenly speaks with a southern accent)

Oh, my, Diego. Why I just don't know what I would wish for.

Reality hits in when Diego asks...

DIEGO 

Good afternoon. May I take your orders now?

ELLEN 

(With southern accent)

Oh my.

(Clears throat and returns to normal voice embarrassed)

Yes, we will start with the soup of the day. Then I think we have agreed on the ham quishe.

FANTASY DIEGO 

Anything you want, baby!

Back again to reality.

ELLEN 

Huh? Oh, dear, it's a bit stuffy in here?

DIEGO 

I can adjust the temperature to your liking if you wish.

ELLEN 

Oh, no, that won't be neccessary. Thank you.

Diego smiles a winning smile and walks away.

AUDREY 

Mom?? What was that about?

FRANCIS 

(Mumbling to her daughter)

You should have married a man like that.

ELLEN 

(ignoring her mother's comment)

I don't know what you are talking about Audrey.

AUDREY 

You're voice. It didn't even sound like you.

ELLEN 

Don't be silly. I will be right back. Need to powder my nose.

Ellen walks off towards Ladies Room.

AUDREY 

Powder her nose?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE MALL - AFTERNOON 

The guys are all in different areas of the department store.

Clark is being followed by Eddie like a little lost puppy. Rocky and Russ are trailing behind. The Grandpas are off somewhere else in the store that we can't see as of yet.

CLARK 

Russ, what do you want to get your mom?

RUSTY 

I don't know. 

CLARK 

Why don't you take Rocky over to the kitchen ware to pick out something for your mother.

RUSTY 

Ok, Dad.

The boys walk off towards Kitchen Ware.

EDDIE 

What are we doing, Clark?

CLARK 

We're shopping Ed.

EDDIE 

No, I know that. I mean, where are we off too? 

CLARK 

Eddie, I am going over to lingerie. You go wherever you need to go.

EDDIE 

I wouldn't mind coming with you, I could use some new boxers.

CLARK 

Women's lingerie Eddie.

EDDIE 

So?

CLARK 

Okay, come on.

They walk over to Lingerie. As Clark gets closer he sees her. She has her hair pulled back but it's her. She is helping a customer on the other side of the counter.

EDDIE 

Clark, you got your eye on that guy over there?

CLARK 

Eddie, you are hopeless. That's a good friend of mine. Her name is Mary.

EDDIE 

Are you sure Clark? I think I see something that looks like a man.

CLARK 

What's that, Ed?

EDDIE 

Well, ... Hmm...

(Laughs)

CLARK 

Oh, Ed. Let's go say hi.

Clark's eyes get more and more wide as they walk up to Mary.

CLARK 

(continuing; knocks on glass counter)

Tis the season to be Merry, Mary.

Mary turns around. But it isn't Mary. It is indeed a guy. His hair is pulled back. And he is obviously very flattered by Clark's opening line.

DANNY 

I can be Mary, if you want me to be Mary. Hi, Tiger.

CLARK 

Sorry, thought you were a friend of mine.

DANNY 

I can be your best friend, stranger. 

(wink)

CLARK 

No, that's quite alright. 

(points to wedding ring)

Married. Yeah, till death.

DANNY 

(pouts)

Oh poo! Well, if things don't work out, ... well, you know...

CLARK 

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

Clark and Eddie walk away.

EDDIE 

You serious, Clark?

CLARK 

No, Ed. I'm not gay. 

EDDIE 

Should have warned you. Along with my failed memory lapses, I have over perfect vision.

CLARK 

Thanks for picking now as the time to tell me, Eddie.

EDDIE 

Well, just thought you should know.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: ELLEN'S MINIVAN - AFTERNOON 

Ellen is day dreaming while she is driving the ladies home.

FANTASY DIEGO 

Oh Ellen, please say you won't go.

FANTASY ELLEN 

I won't!!

They kiss in her fantasy and begin taking off their clothes when Audrey steps in.

AUDREY 

MOM?? MOM???!

Ellen shakes out of it.

ELLEN 

WHAT???!!! 

(realizes her tone)

Sorry, sweetie. What's wrong?

AUDREY 

You have driven around our block like five times. Are we going to pull in our driveway soon?

ELLEN 

Oh, yeah. Just looking at the other house's decorations sweetie.

They pull into the driveway and all exit the minivan.

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - AFTERNOON 

They all walk into the house with their bags and boxed gifts.

At this time the guys are pulling into the driveway and they get out and bring in their shopping bags. 

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING 

Clark is putting the finishing touches on the Christmas Tree, then the star at the top. The tree is artificial. One he got from the "St. Nicks Warehouse" store. It sprays out a very fine scent of pine into the living room every few minutes. Clark shows this to his family.

CLARK 

Look, now wait a minute. 

It sprays the perfume.

CLARK 

Everybody sniff the air.

Everyone sniffs. They are not impressed, except Eddie.

EDDIE 

That's pretty nifty, there, Clark! Can I get one of those for my john?

CLARK 

Sure, Ed.

RUBY SUE 

Uncle Clark?

(she tugs on his sweater)

CLARK 

Yeah, sweetie?

RUBY SUE 

Can Rocky and I go play in the snow?

CLARK 

Sure, if it's okay with your mom and ... your dad.

EDDIE 

I think I will head on out there with them, Clark. I'm dying to show Rocky here how to write his name in the snow.

CLARK 

That's great, Eddie.

Eddie and the kids go outside. Clark turns to his wife.

CLARK 

When are we picking up Uncle Louis and Aunt Bethany.

ELLEN 

Tomorrow at 6 from the airport.

CLARK 

Maybe I should get my sleep while I can. 

ELLEN 

Okay, Sparky. Sleep tight. I'll be up in a little while.

CLARK 

Night, sweetie.

Clark goes upstairs to go to sleep. While the others are sitting down to watch a movie in the living room. Eddie and the kids are still outside playing in the snow.

PAN TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - ELLEN AND CLARKS BEDROOM - NIGHT 

Clark is just getting settled in bed, when he hears Eddie singing "Jingle Bells" outside pretty loudly. Clark tries to ignore it, and go to sleep anyway. 

It doesn't work so he puts a pillow over his head. Now, he hears the kids joining in with Eddie. It is very loud. Clark huffs and puffs and finally gets up.

He walks to the top of the stair case, and hollers for his wife.

CLARK 

Ellen?? 

No answer.

CLARK 

Dammit! 

Clark decides he must be the one to stop it. He goes downstairs and looks out the front door and can't find them.

He passes the family in the living room. They are all very into the movie on tv, and he walks towards the back of the house. Then, he spots it through the back window.

Eddie is ice-skating on Clark's pool. Literally. With the skates and everything.

CLARK 

(continuing; hollering through glass)

EDDIE!! EDDIE, GET OUT OF MY POOL!!!!

He walks outside.

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - NIGHT 

CLARK 

Eddie, what the hell are you doing???

EDDIE 

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want the first crack at it?

CLARK 

Eddie, you're ice-skating on my pool!!!

EDDIE 

Yeah, I figure what the hell? Can't swim worth a shit, but boy can I skate.

CLARK 

Eddie, get out of my pool!

EDDIE 

Well, okay Clark, but I gotta tell you it aint much fun skating on the lawn.

CLARK 

Eddie, what in the hell are you talking about?? Have you completely lost it?

EDDIE 

You know, people ask me that question almost everyday.

CLARK 

Okay, Ed, c'mon, before the ice breaks.

EDDIE 

Oops, got some grass on my skate. Let me just shake it off here.

Eddie begins tapping his skate onto the ice on the pool to get the blade of grass loose.

CLARK 

No, Eddie.

Suddenly, the ice breaks and Eddie falls in. He is in the shallow end none the less, but is screaming his head off.

EDDIE 

Oh, Clark!!! You got to get me outta here, I can't swim!!

CLARK 

Eddie, calm down.

Clark walks over to him.

EDDIE 

If I don't make it Clark, tell the kids and their mother that I love 'em.

Clark steps into the freezing water that is only about 3 feet deep where Eddie is standing.

CLARK 

C'mon, Eddie.

EDDIE 

My legs!! I can't feel my legs. Oh this is the big one, Clark. Don't let me die alone. Stay here with me. 

The back door light burns out.

EDDIE 

Ugh, things are getting dark. I can hardly see you now, Clark.

Clark puts his arm around Eddie for added drama that Eddie obviously wishes for. And walks him out of the pool.

CLARK 

There you go Ed. See? Nothing to be afraid of.

EDDIE 

My God, Clark! You saved my life! How can I ever repay you?

CLARK 

Don't mention it Eddie.

EDDIE 

Hmm... You don't want me to mention it huh?

(ponders it for a minute)

Okay, you got yourself a deal!

CLARK 

That's great, Ed.

EDDIE 

Whew. That was a close one, though.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT: THE GRISWALDS HOUSE - FRONT STEPS - EVENING 

Clark and Ellen are helping Uncle Louis and Aunt Bethany into the house.

AUNT BETHANY 

Are we at Walt Disney World, Clark?

CLARK 

No, aunt Bethany, those are Christmas Decorations.

AUNT BETHANY 

I want to ride the tea cups, Clark.

CLARK 

We will, Aunt Bethany.

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - THE ENTRY WAY - EVENING 

CLARK 

We're here!! Russ, Audrey, come in and help out, will ya?

Rusty and Audrey walk in to take things from their great aunt and uncles hands.

Rusty grabs Aunt Bethany's present she is holding.

AUNT BETHANY 

Help!! Help!! Police!!

ELLEN 

What's wrong, Aunt Bethany?

AUNT BETHANY 

This boy is robbing me!!

ELLEN 

Oh, no, Aunt Bethany, that's Rusty. Your great great nephew. He is going to place your gift under the tree, okay?

AUNT BETHANY 

I don't want it outside. I want it in here.

ELLEN 

Okay, Aunt Bethany, we'll put it in here.

UNCLE LOUIS 

So, Clark, what's with the signs in the front lawn?

CLARK 

Just to add to the holiday spirit, Uncle Louis.

UNCLE LOUIS 

Uh-huh. 

ELLEN 

Aunt Bethany, why don't we go into the dining room. Dinner is about to be served.

AUNT BETHANY 

Congratulations!

Ellen looks puzzled at Clark and Clark shrugs.

ELLEN 

Thank you.

AUNT BETHANY 

I wish that your Uncle Louis could have been around long enough to see the day you got married.

UNCLE LOUIS 

I was here when they got married, Bethany!!

AUNT BETHANY 

Where is the baby?

ELLEN 

What baby, Aunt Bethany?

AUNT BETHANY 

Audrey?

ELLEN 

Well, she's around here somewhere. 

UNCLE LOUIS 

She just took our things, Bethany! Jeezus!

ELLEN 

Let's go into the dining room and get seated, huh?

AUNT BETHANY 

Oh, this is a lovely dining hall.

ELLEN 

No, dining room and let's go into it.

AUNT BETHANY 

I should?

ELLEN 

You should.

Aunt Bethany and Ellen walk into the dining room.

UNCLE LOUIS 

So what's the matter with you?

CLARK 

Nothing, Uncle Louis. Want to go sit down for supper?

UNCLE LOUIS 

Don't tell me what to do.

Uncle Louis goes into the dining room with his wife.

RUSTY 

Dad?

Rusty is walking back in with a package.

CLARK 

What is it Russ?

RUSTY 

I think Aunt Bethany did it again.

CLARK 

What's that, Russ?

RUSTY 

She wrapped up an animal, but I think this one is a dog.

CLARK 

How do you know?

The box barks.

CLARK 

Shit!

Ellen walks in.

ELLEN 

What's the matter? We're all waiting.

CLARK 

Ellen, Aunt Bethany wrapped up her dog!

ELLEN 

She doesn't have a dog.

CLARK 

Well, she does now, it's in the box, here.

ELLEN 

Well, open it up.

Rusty opens the box and it is a tiny little chuaiua.

Ellen looks at it's tag.

ELLEN 

His name is Sammy. Uh-oh.

CLARK 

What?

ELLEN 

He isn't hers Clark. He belongs to this Mrs. Dempsy. 

CLARK 

Great. We'll call her after dinner.

ELLEN 

There is no phone number on the tag Clark.

CLARK 

Well, what do you want me to do about it then?

ELLEN 

Hey, don't be bossy with me, mister.

CLARK 

Okay, Russ put him in the kitchen while we eat.

PAN TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT 

The table is set, everyone is seated and Clark is standing above the turkey ready to carve with a knife in one hand and a fork in the other. Everybody is chit-chatting and not paying attention again as Clark chimes on his water glass.

CLARK 

Folks! Folks! Since this is Aunt Bethany's 81st Christmas I think we should have her lead us in gra...

ELLEN 

(shakes her head)

Clark, why don't we have someone else do it this year.

EDDIE 

Let me Clark! I know a great prayer!

CLARK 

Anyone else want to say grace?

EDDIE 

C'mon Clark.

CLARK 

Okay, Eddie. Go ahead.

EDDIE 

Everybody got their hands folded?

EVERYONE 

Yes!

Eddie gets down on his knees at the table.

EDDIE 

Dear God, I want to thank you first of all for making sure the shitter didn't back up like last year. I want to thank you for my life... oops, sorry Clark. Mums the word on that, God. Speaking of which, I would like to ask you for a few things if you just don't mind. First of all, I would like a new plate for my head. I don't think this one is working real good. Catherine rubbed me... well... down there and I got this awful gas. I began farting and it lasted all night. I know that has something to do with this damn plate. I would also like my memory to come back to normal. 

(pauses and looks at Clark)

Did I already say that?

CLARK 

No, Eddie.

EDDIE 

Okay, well then there is that memory thing, and I kind of would like a new RV for Christmas if you can spare one of those nifty new ones for me. I also want a new leisure suit. I think this one is getting a little dated here. 

Clark clears his throat.

EDDIE 

Am I missing something Clark?

CLARK 

(embarrassed)

No, Ed, you're doing fine.

EDDIE 

I just want basically everything you can spare me God. You know I am not a big one in the work force, so if you could just start handing things over, that would be great, God.

CLARK 

Amen.

EDDIE 

Okay, Clark, you can take it from here.

CLARK 

Amen.

EVERBODY ELSE 

Amen.

Aunt Bethany is snoring. Until Uncle Louis wakes her up.

UNCLE LOUIS 

Bethany, for God's sake, we are eating! Wake Up!

CLARK 

This turkey looks fantastic, Ellen!

ELLEN 

Thanks, we didn't burn it this year! That's for sure!

CLARK 

That's great.

He serves everything.

They all silently are eating until Aunt Bethany springs up saying...

AUNT BETHANY 

(singing)

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Way up High, There's a Land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

CLARK 

Thank you Aunt Bethany, for providing the entertainment.

AUNT BETHANY 

(singing)

Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

CLARK 

Thank you Aunt Bethany.

UNCLE LOUIS 

Oh, Jesus, Bethany, not Judy Garland again.

AUNT BETHANY 

(singing)

Where troubles melt like lemon drops and way above the chimney tops is where you'll find me.

Suddenly her song is broken by a loud CRASH. Suddenly Snots is chased out of the kitchen and onto the kitchen table by Sammy the little dog. Sammy is barking and Snots is shaking on the top of the table.

CLARK 

Godammit, Anyway!! Eddie, get your dog off the table!!

EDDIE 

He's just hungry Clark.

CLARK 

He's shaking Eddie. That little runt chased him up here. Everything's ruined!

EDDIE 

No, no Snots. Get down.

The dog is still frozen.

EDDIE 

Didn't work, Clark.

Clark tries to pull on Snots collar to force him off the table but the dog growls and shows his teeth to Clark.

CLARK 

Great. He's scared of a 2 pound rat, but I can't get him off the damn table! Russ, get that little dog outside.

RUSTY 

Okay, Dad. 

Russ picks up the little dog and puts him outside. Snots is still on the table.

CLARK 

Get down, Snots!

Snots begins urinating on the table.

CLARK 

Eddie, get your damn dog off my table now!

EDDIE 

Okay, Clark.

Eddie grabs the turkey whole. And puts it up for Snots to see.

EDDIE 

Here, Snots, got a nice juicy turkey waitin' for ya!

Snots gets off the table and eats the turkey on the floor.

CLARK 

That's great, Ed. The one piece of food that wasn't ruined is now being fed to the dog.

ELLEN 

Clark, calm down.

CLARK 

I'm calm, Ellen, I'm calm. Let's all go out to eat then. C'mon everybody. Hurry up before Birney's eatery closes up.

Everybody gets up to get ready to leave.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: MARGO AND TODD'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

Margo is standing with binoculars at the window. 

MARGO 

Todd? Todd??

Todd is napping on the sofa then wakes up as Margo is calling him.

TODD 

What, Margo?

MARGO 

Come here! 

(Giggles)

This is TOO perfect!

TODD 

(yawns)

What is?

MARGO 

The Toad is leaving with the entire white trash clan!

TODD 

So?

MARGO 

Now is our chance!

TODD 

Chance to do what?

MARGO 

We are going over there and swiping every single lame tacky decoration that Toad has up.

TODD 

Don't you think that's a bit juvenile?

MARGO 

Maybe for us, but it will kill him. They're gone! C'mon!

TODD 

Okay, Margo, if we get caught, you take the wrap.

MARGO 

We won't get caught! They're lawn decorations, Todd.

They leave.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD STATION WAGON - NIGHT 

Clark is in the Driver's seat and Ellen is in the passengers seat with Audrey and Rusty in the back seat. The others are in the cars behind them. They are pulling onto their street.

ELLEN 

You really shouldn't lose your temper so easily Clark.

CLARK 

Yes, I know, Ellen.

He spots his house and notices the front lawn is bare. All of his decorations have been stolen.

CLARK 

What the .....?

ELLEN 

What, Clark?

CLARK 

Where are they??!!

ELLEN 

Where's what?

She notices them missing now too.

ELLEN 

Oh no!

CLARK 

Where the hell are my decrations???!!!!

ELLEN 

Clark, don't get worked up now.

CLARK 

Goddammit!!! 

Clark parks his car in the driveway. And the others park behind him. He walks into his front lawn with his jaw dropped.

CLARK 

I don't believe this!! Every single God Forsaken Decoration is gone!!!!!

ELLEN 

Clark.

CLARK 

What in God's name happened here??!!

EDDIE 

Clark, you havin' a 'Coon problem?

CLARK 

That's nice Eddie! Where the hell is all my shit??!!!

ELLEN 

Clark, we'll find it.

CLARK 

Of all the rotten, no good, stinking, bullshit assholes!! Who the hell would take over 3,000 dollars worth of Christmas decorations???!!!!!!!???

CLARK SR 

Now, son, we'll still have a good Christmas.

Clark ignores his Dad and continues.

CLARK 

I want to find the theiving, lowlife, maggot ridden, flesh eating, two faced, bird shit, asshole, backstabbing, inmature, cowardly, dope fiend, worm infested, cow-brained, shithead, slimeball, sack of turkey vomit and send their asses off to jail for Christmas Day. Ho-ho-ho, where's the J.D.?

Clark storms off and into the house. The family stands stunned. Then finally follows him into the house, all except Eddie who has had a brilliant idea.

Eddie starts snooping around the yard and then stops to urinate in the next door neighbors yard, so as to not piss of Clark anymore than he has been. He begins writing his name with his urine.

EDDIE 

E - D - F - no, that's not it. 

He scrathes the f out with his urine.

EDDIE 

E - D - D - I - E. Ah, there we go. Beautiful artistry.

He spots something just to the left of his name.

EDDIE 

What's this?

He picks it up and it's the strand of lights that he helped Clark out with in the garage.

EDDIE 

Hmm... How'd these get over here?

He sees some little fragments of garland and lights and follows the trail up to Margo and Todd's house. He peaks in their window. He sees Margo laughing with Todd as they are stuffing the decorations into a room.

EDDIE 

Mm-Hmm! Clark, you are going to LOOOVe me this Christmas!

Eddie knocks on the door.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING 

Clark is filling up a scotch glass with Jack Daniels Whiskey. And takes a very large swig of it, then makes an "Eww" face.

CLARK 

Mmm- that will do the trick.

Ellen comes up to him and takes the rest of it away from her husband.

ELLEN 

Clark, may I speak with you a minute. Alone?

CLARK 

Ellen, anything you have to say to me can be said in front of the whole family. I mean it doesn't get much worse than this.

ELLEN 

Okay, well, let me remind you for the second year in a row...

CLARK 

That this was all my idea? Again, let me remind YOU, that I am well aware of that, honey. 

ELLEN 

Clark, your Christmas bonus will be here tomorrow and it will cover the damages to the lost decorations. And we can get new ones. They will probably even be on sale after tomorrow.

CLARK 

Ellen...

Suddenly there is a KNOCK at the door. 

CLARK 

Now, who in the hell is that?

Clark goes to the door to answer it.

EDDIE 

Howdy, roomie! Got you a dandy Christmas gift this year, Clark.

Police begin walking up the driveway.

CLARK 

What'd you do this year, Eddie?

EDDIE 

Oh, they're not here for me, Clark.

CLARK 

No, Ed?

EDDIE 

You'll see. 

(laughs)

Two police officers are at the door now, unimpressed. 

POLICE OFFICER #1 

Are you Mr. Clark W. Griswald?

CLARK 

Yes, sir.

POLICE OFFICER #1 

I hate to even ask you this. We believe your next door neighbors have robbed a Christmas theme store. 

CLARK 

What?

POLICE OFFICER #1 

But this guy, here, who claims to live here, says all of that stuff belongs to you.

(laughs)

I don't know if I should arrest him or not for false information.

CLARK 

Uh, no, Officer. Did this set have about 30,000 lights and signs and 15 foot tall Santa with elves and reindeer?

POLICE OFFICER #1 

Well, I'll be damned! All of that is yours?

POLICE OFFICER #2 

I told you, Harry. You owe me five bucks!

POLICE OFFICER #1 

How'd you know that, Leroy?

POLICE OFFICER #2 

We were here last year. Isn't that right, Mr. Griswald?

CLARK 

Yeah, so where is it all?

POLICE OFFICER #1 

It's over in the neighbor's yard getting photographed for evidence. Would you like to press charges?

CLARK 

Nah, none of them are damaged are they?

POLICE OFFICER #1 

No, don't believe so. 

CLARK 

Nah, then, don't worry about it. We'll go get it.

POLICE OFFICER #1 

You know, those neighbors of yours are real pain in the butt. 

CLARK 

Yes, I know. Margo and Todd have always been a little off. We like to keep the children away from them.

POLICE OFFICER #1 

Good thinking. You have a wonderful Christmas!

They begin to walk off.

CLARK 

You too!!

EDDIE 

Well, roomie, want to grab your shit?

CLARK 

Okay, Ed. RUSS!!

RUSS 

Yeah, Dad!

CLARK 

Come help Ed and me get these decorations back.

RUSS 

Dad, does this mean we have to put them up again?

CLARK 

Yes, it does, Russ. Yes it does.

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - EVENING 

Clark, Eddie and Russ are heading over to Margo and Todd's front yard to grab the decorations. On there way over, Eddie warns them...

EDDIE 

Now, watch your step. I pissed my name over here in this here snow.

CLARK 

Thanks for the warning, Ed.

EXT: MARGO AND TODD'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

Eddie waves over to Margo and Todd who are standing on their front porch snarling.

EDDIE 

I best warn you too. I done pissed in your yard! Sorry, but when you gotta go, you know?

Margo huffs and pulls Todd along with her into the house.

EDDIE 

Was it something I said?

Eddie and Clark and Rusty begin dragging the decorations back into Clark's yard.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LATE 

The House is back in tact. All decorations are up. 

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATE 

Clark is finishing up the traditional Christmas story of "The Night Before Christmas".

CLARK 

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

The kids beam.

CLARK 

Now, it's time for everyone to tuck into bed so Santa can show up with the presents.

EDDIE 

Oh, Boy, that's something, Clark!

Clark smiles at his dumb cousin-in-law.

The kids rush upstairs to hop into bed along with Eddie. Catherine follows her husband.

ELLEN 

That was really sweet, Clark. We should head to bed ourselves.

CLARK 

Okay, you head on up there. I'll be up in a few minutes.

ELLEN 

Night, Sparky!

CLARK 

Goodnight, Ellen.

CLARK SR 

Goodnight, son!

NORA 

Yes, don't be up too late now.

CLARK 

Night, mom and dad. See ya in the morning.

NORA 

Aunt Bethany, Uncle Louis, ready for bed?

AUNT BETHANY 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

NORA 

Shh, Aunt Bethany, the kids and Eddie are trying to sleep. Let's do the same, huh?

AUNT BETHANY 

Shhh!

UNCLE LOUIS 

Well, goodnight, Clark. I guess you didn't spoil everything like last year.

CLARK 

Night, Uncle Louis. Merry Christmas.

They walk upstairs. Clark turns around and sees that Art and Francis are asleep on the sofas. Clark wraps a blanket around the two and walks upstairs.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - DAWN 

Eddie wakes up first and runs downstairs. There are TONS of presents around the tree. Just a mountain of them. He smiles and laughs and heads back upstairs to wake the family.

EDDIE 

CLARK!!! RUSS!!! Everyone!! Santa came!! He really did! I am not bullshittin' either!!

Everyone moves it on down to the living room where Eddie is waiting impatiently.

CLARK 

Merry Christmas, everyone!

EVERBODY ELSE 

Merry Christmas!

The kids start digging in, before Clark stops them. 

CLARK 

Hold on, there kids.

Eddie is still digging in.

CLARK 

Eddie, please...

Eddie stops.

EDDIE 

Sorry, Clark.

(laughs with kids)

CLARK 

Okay, this is how we do it. Just like last year. We all go around opening each other's presents one at a time. 

EDDIE 

Let me go first, Clark. I got you all some great gifts! I can't wait to see the look on your faces.

CATHERINE 

It's not much, really. And I am not even sure what Eddie got some of you.

CLARK 

Okay, everyone, one at a time, open Eddie's gifts.

RUBY SUE 

I want to open mine first.

CLARK 

Go, ahead, Ruby Sue. But remember just Ed - I mean your dad's.

Ruby Sue lunges into her presents from her dad. Eddie is giggling like he has the best kept secret.

Ruby Sue opens them and they are a set of Jacks, and a board game called "Candy Land".

RUBY SUE 

Thank you so much, Daddy!

EDDIE 

You're welcome, Ruby Sue. Thought you'd like that!

RUBY SUE 

It's more than I ever dreamed of.

EDDIE 

Okay, Rocky, why don't you take a crack at it.

Rocky doesn't speak. Just opens his gifts which are a yo-yo and a Checkers board game. He smiles and hugs his dad not saying a word.

EDDIE 

I knew you'd like it, son! Okay, Catherine, your turn!

CATHERINE 

Oh, my! I wasn't expecting anything this year. 

EDDIE 

Yeah, I splurged a bit for ya!

CATHERINE 

Oh, well let's see what's in here.

Catherine opens her gift and pulls out some bondage leather and a whip. She blushes and tries to hide it.

EDDIE 

Hold it on up so everybody can see, hon!

Catherine shows it for one brief second and everyone looks shocked, then she quickly hides it away.

CATHERINE 

Thank you Eddie.

ELLEN 

That was real nice, Ed.

EDDIE 

Just wait till you open yours. 

(wink)

ELLEN 

Mom, Dad, why don't you go ahead and open yours from Eddie.

ART 

Oh, Ed, you didn't have to get us anything.

EDDIE 

I know, I just had a little extra government income that I am not reporting, so I splurged a bit.

They tear into their present, and it's a hammock.

FRANCIS 

Oh, it's just lovely, Eddie Dear. Thank you!

ART 

Yeah, thanks Ed.

EDDIE 

My pleasure, folks!

CLARK 

Audrey, why don't you open yours now from Eddie.

EDDIE 

Yeah, I put a lot of thought into yours, there Audrey.

AUDREY 

Okay, thanks, Uncle Ed.

Audrey opens it and it's a Betsy-Wetsy doll. No matter that it's about 10 years too young for her.

AUDREY 

Thank you, Uncle Ed.

EDDIE 

You like that, kiddo?

AUDREY 

Yes. Thank you.

CLARK 

Russ, why don't you go next?

RUSS 

Okay, Dad. 

He tears into his and pulls out a blank VHS cassette tape.

RUSS 

Wow, what I've always wanted, Uncle Ed.

EDDIE 

You don't even know what it is yet. You know that movie we was watching a while back?

RUSS 

"It's a Wonderful Life"?

EDDIE 

Yeah, now sees here, I recorded it for ya! It's on that tape, do you believe that?

RUSS 

Yeah, I believe it, Uncle Ed. I really do. Thank you!

EDDIE 

Well, seeing as how we have a history of our little bonding time with that there movie, I thought you'd like a copy.

RUSS 

Thanks, Ed.

EDDIE 

Clark, it's your turn.

CLARK 

No, let's see what Ellen got first. Ellen, honey, your turn.

ELLEN 

Oh, my. 

(smiles bashfully)

Ellen opens her small gift to find that there are some panties inside with huge letters saying "EAT ME" on the front of them.

EDDIE 

Yeah, those there are edible!

ELLEN 

I see that, Ed. Thank you!

Ellen looks at Clark disgusted and Clark shrugs his shoulders.

EDDIE 

Between you and me, Clark. Those are Mmm-Mmm-good!!

CLARK 

Thank you, Ed.

EDDIE 

Well, now's your turn. But you'll have to close your eyes. I snuck out and did this in the middle of the night.

CLARK 

Okay, Ed.

Clark closes his eyes.

EDDIE 

Now, you have to walk a-ways so I will lead ya! I want the whole family to come out and see the expression on your face. Come on out everyone.

Eddie leads Clark to the front door and everyone follows still a little groggy.

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING 

The family makes it out in front of the garage and Eddie stops to pull up the garage door.

They all freeze at the sight. On Clark's Station Wagon is a pair of Moose antlers on the hood. They obviously have been spray painted to resemble Gold.

EDDIE 

Okay, Clark... You ready to open your eyes?

CLARK 

Yes, I am Edward.

(smiling)

EDDIE 

Okay, look!

Clark opens his eyes...

BOING!!!!!!

He is very infuriated but doesn't try and let on. Through clinched teeth he mutters...

CLARK 

Thank you, Ed.

EDDIE 

Now, don't you go touching it alot right now. Their still a little wet. Painted 'em gold for ya! Thought you wouldn't like it otherwise.

CLARK 

Thanks so much, Eddie.

ELLEN 

Why don't we all head back inside where we can finish opening the rest of the presents.

Everyone including Eddie walk inside, Ellen stays behind with her hubby for a moment to inform him.

ELLEN 

We'll call down to Bob's Autorama tomorrow. He'll take them off.

She walks inside and Clark lets out a scream into the air.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING 

(Time Lapsing: The Family is digging in to the presents. We stop when it's Clark's gift giving time.)

CLARK 

Okay, everyone got my gifts?

EVERYONE 

Yes.

CLARK 

Ruby Sue, you want to go first?

RUBY SUE 

Oh can I Uncle Clark?

CLARK 

Sure, go ahead, sweetie.

Ruby Sue opens her gift and it is a Cabbage Patch Doll. Her eyes widen with delight.

RUBY SUE 

Thank you, Uncle Clark! Thank you!!

CLARK 

You're welcome, darling! Hope you like her. She comes with adoption papers and everything.

EDDIE 

Really, Clark?

CLARK 

Yeah, Ed.

CLARK 

Okay, Rocky! Why don't you rip into yours, see what you got.

Again, Rocky says nothing. But he opens his present. It is a mini-kareoke machine. 

CLARK 

Now, you can show off your voice a bit more.

Rocky doesn't say anything but smiles and is excited.

EDDIE 

That will come in real handy when the boy starts talking.

CLARK 

That's the beauty of it, Eddie, he can sing instead.

EDDIE 

Well, I'll be damned. Is that what that's for?

Clark ignores him.

CLARK 

Okay, mom and dad. Your turn.

NORA 

Oh, let the kids go first, Clark.

CLARK 

No, you go first. I can't wait to see your faces light up.

They open it and it's a brand new VCR. They gasp with delight.

CLARK SR 

Wow, Son! That's so nice. Thank you!

NORA 

Yes, dear. Thank you very much. You didn't have to do all that.

CLARK 

I wanted to, Mom. Hope you two enjoy it. And there's something that goes with that, folks.

Clark goes behind the sofa, and grabs some VHSs. They are all neatly labeled.

CLARK 

These are all of our family home videos. I had them transfered onto VHS so they would keep and you could watch them any time you'd like.

Nora and Clark Sr. Startle with delight. You could swear you see a trinkle of a tear in Clark Sr.'s eyes. They all hug speechless.

CLARK 

Hope this brings you much joy and happiness.

NORA 

Thank you dear.

CLARK SR 

Thanks, son.

EDDIE 

How'd you do that nifty labeling, there Clark?

CLARK 

I took the insert and wrote on it Eddie.

EDDIE 

Wow, I thought they were bumper stickers. I put mine on the RV out there.

Clark ignores him again.

CLARK 

Okay, Catherine, your next.

CATHERINE 

Oh, my, Clark. You didn't have to get me anything.

CLARK 

Ahh - it's something that will be of a lot of use, I'm sure.

Catherine opens her gift and inside is a book with every possible baby name in it. It's the size of a phone book.

CATHERINE 

Oh, wow. Thank you Clark!

EDDIE 

What do we need that for?

CATHERINE 

Eddie, this book helps us pick out names for our babies.

EDDIE 

Oh, well, now, that WILL come to some use. 

CLARK 

I am sure it will, Eddie.

EDDIE 

Yeah, see we get paid more the more pups she pops out.

CATHERINE 

It's very thoughtful Clark, thank you!

CLARK 

You're welcome, Catherine. Eddie, you want to go next?

EDDIE 

No, I am a firm believer that the best is saved for the last. So, I will just hang on here a little longer, if you don't mind.

CLARK 

Okay, Ed. Kids, ready? Russ, your's is in the garage. Everyone, let's go back on outside.

Everyone grunts a bit. But get up. Russ is first one out, and the others follow.

EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING 

Clark opens the garage door and fumes a little again about the antlers. Then pulls out the gift for Russ. It's a riding snow-blower with a ribbon on it.

RUSS 

Aw, wow! Dad?? IS that for ME??

CLARK 

Yes, it is son! 

RUSS 

Can I ride it?

CLARK 

After the presents. Okay, everyone, back inside!

Everyone heads back inside.

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING 

CLARK 

Audrey, you ready, sweetheart?

AUDREY 

Yeah, Dad.

She opens her present and inside is her very own cordless telephone.

AUDREY 

Oh, my God, Dad! Thank you!

CLARK 

That's not all. In your room, you hook that up and you have your very own telephone line for your very own.

AUDREY 

(squeels)

Thank you, Dad! Can I call Dave?

CLARK 

After Eddie and your mom open their gifts.

AUDREY 

Okay, Dad. Thank you.

Audrey jumps up and hugs and pecks a kiss on his cheek.

CLARK 

Okay, Eddie. You're turn.

EDDIE 

Oh, really Clark?

CLARK 

Yes, I thought this may help you move up in the world a bit.

EDDIE 

Oh, wow, Clark? Really? It's some new clog shoes, aren't they?

CLARK 

No, Ed, open up and you'll see.

Eddie opens his first gift. It's a business suit.

EDDIE 

Wow, Clark? You sure this is for me?

CLARK 

Yeah, Eddie. 

EDDIE 

Wow, now when I take that trout fishin trip this spring I will be the best dressed guy in my johnny boat.

CLARK 

That or you could try getting that management job with it?

EDDIE 

Oh, no use for that, now Clark. I just moved up in the world.

CLARK 

Okay, Ed. Why don't you open the other gift?

Clark looks at Ellen. This time, Ellen shrugs her shoulders.

Eddie opens his second gift. It is a Picasso painting. 

EDDIE 

Damn, look at her!!

CLARK 

Now, see Ed it's supposed to look like that.

EDDIE 

I'll say!! She is hot!!

CLARK 

Glad you appreciate it Eddie.

EDDIE 

Catherine, you think you could pose like this in your new gift?

CATHERINE 

Oh, Eddie.

CLARK 

Okay, Ellen. Now is your turn. Open yours up.

ELLEN 

(laughs bashfully)

Okay. 

Ellen opens the small box first. Inside is a pair of diamond earings.

ELLEN 

Oh my Lord, Clark. Are these real?

CLARK 

I should say so, Ellen. Do you like them?

ELLEN 

Oh, they're beautiful! Thank you so much!

Ellen puts them on and shows them off.

CLARK 

One more, Ellen.

ELLEN 

Ooh, I must have been good this year.

EDDIE 

You too, huh, Ellen?

Ellen opens up her second gift. Inside is a memory book that Clark had made up of their lives before and together. Ellen gets teary eyed.

ELLEN 

Oh, Clark. This is the most special thing you have ever done for me.

EDDIE 

Wait till he gets those panties on ya!

CLARK 

Ed. 

Clark turns to Ellen. She lands him a great big kiss and hug. 

ELLEN 

Thank you.

Ellen wipes tears away and smiles at the family.

CLARK 

You're welcome, sweetheart. How 'bout some breakfast, everyone?

DISSOLVE TO:

The Griswalds are finishing up their Christmas breakfast when the door bell RINGS. 

CLARK 

I know what that is. 

He gets up from the table and the others follow him as he gets to the door to answer it. 

MESSENGER 

Are you Clark W. Griswald?

CLARK 

That's me.

MESSENGER 

This is for you. Sign here, please.

Clark signs for the envelope and takes it inside.

CLARK 

Thank you, sir!

MESSENGER 

Thank you! Merry Christmas!

CLARK 

Merry Christmas.

Clark shuts the door. The family is waiting anxiously and Clark opens the envelope. He stops dead in his tracks. Then eyeballs the side of him, wickedly.

ELLEN 

Well...?

CLARK 

Well... it's a ...

ELLEN 

Yes?

CLARK 

It's a bread of the month club.

ELLEN 

Oh, no!!

EDDIE 

Clark, it's the gift that...

CLARK 

I'm kidding. They tripled my bonus!!

Ellen squeels, and the others cheer. Ellen jumps to hug Clark.

EDDIE 

So, no bread, Clark?

CLARK 

No, Eddie! You know what we are going to do?

ELLEN 

What?

CLARK 

We're going to celebrate!! Call everyone you know everyone! We're throwing the biggest Christmas party this street has ever seen tonight!

EDDIE 

I don't know anyone, Clark.

CLARK 

That's okay, Ed. We'll call enough for ya!

Audrey runs upstairs to her room. Ellen gets spacy for a moment then runs into the kitchen to dial a number.

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING 

Ellen dials a number and speaks into the phone. 

ELLEN 

Can I have the number for The Blue Moon Restaurant?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - EVENING 

Everyone is ready and dressed up. Even Eddie is wearing his new suit, but kept his hunter's cap on. The doorbell RINGS the first time. Everyone is very excited.

ELLEN 

(too enthusiastic)

I'll get it!!

She opens the door and several of Clark's co-workers enter, they all say hi and give their coats to Eddie. Eddie takes them and flops them down on the stairs. Snots comes right in and lays on them.

CLARK 

Merry Christmas, everyone! Glad you could make it. Make yourself at home. Drinks are in the den.

They all scatter about and talk amongst the others, and Clark's family.

At this time, the doorbell rings again.

ELLEN 

(too enthusiastic)

I'll get it!!!

She runs to the door and the police that were there the night before and their co-workers enter and say "Merry Christmas, Ellen".

CLARK 

Hi, boys! Help yourself. Drinks are in the den.

The police rush into the den and disappear.

The doorbell RINGS again.

ELLEN 

(too enthusiastic)

I'll get it!!

She answers the door and there stands Bud with his shippers Michael and Johnny.

ELLEN 

Oh, hi! Merry Christmas! Come on in. 

CLARK 

Hi, Bud! How's it goin'?

BUD 

Hi, there Clark! Your decorations look incredible out there.

CLARK 

Thanks, Bud. Help yourself to food and drinks. They're in the den.

BUD 

Thank you, Clark. I think I will take a look at what you have done here first with the decorations.

CLARK 

Yeah, you did a good job.

The doorbell RINGS again.

ELLEN 

(enthusiastic)

I'll get it!

She answers and it's Todd and Margo.

TODD 

Hi, Ellen. Margo has something she would like to say to you.

MARGO 

I'm sorry for taking your husband's decorations.

ELLEN 

Oh, that's okay. No harm done. Did Clark invite you?

TODD 

No, actually...

EDDIE 

Hi, Todd! Glad you could make it!!

TODD 

We wouldn't have missed it.

MARGO 

Yes, it's quite...

(pauses)

charming. 

Margo eyes Eddie in his new suit.

MARGO 

You clean up real nice, Ed.

EDDIE 

Thank you, Darlin'.

MARGO 

Maybe we could go out for a walk later?

EDDIE 

Nah, I told Clark I'd take coats.

MARGO 

We'll see about that.

Doorbell RINGS!

ELLEN 

Clark, could you get that?

CLARK 

Honey, I am showing Bud the decorations. 

ELLEN 

Okay. 

She answers the door and it's Dave, Audrey's boyfriend.

DAVE 

Hi, Audrey invited me. I'm Dave.

ELLEN 

Oh, yes, hi, Dave! Come on in. Audrey!!

Audrey steps in.

AUDREY 

Hi, Dave. Come on in. 

The kids walk into the living room.

The doorbell RINGS again.

ELLEN 

Clark??!!

CLARK 

Ellen, I am busy. Can you get the door please?

ELLEN 

Okay.

She gets up, very unenthused. And answers the door.

It's HIM! It's Diego and he has brought a date. We have seen her before. It's Mary from last year when Clark was shopping.

ELLEN 

Hi, Die - go. Wow, and you brought someone. How lovely.

DIEGO 

Yes, this is my fiance, Mary. I thank you so much for inviting us. 

ELLEN 

No problem. Come on in. Clark, this is Diego and ... I'm sorry what's your name?

Mary turns around and Clark sees her and freezes in his tracks.

CLARK 

MARY!!

MARY 

Hi, Clark! I didn't know this was your party. How do you do?

CLARK 

Fine, great, everything couldn't be better. Did you see that Honey? Mary is here.

ELLEN 

Who's Mary? How do you know Mary?

CLARK 

She help me shop for you one year.

MARY 

Last year.

CLARK 

Last year. Was it that recent? I could have sworn it was longer. Would you care for a drink or some snacks?

DIEGO 

We really can't stay long. We are on our way to get married.

CLARK 

Wow, Mary is getting Married. That's just .. well that's just great. Isn't that great, Ellen?

ELLEN 

It's fabulous! Diego, I wish you a wonderful life.

DIEGO 

Thank you!

ELLEN 

And you too, Mary.

MARY 

Thank you.

Eddie rushes in yelling for everyone.

EDDIE 

Clark!! Ellen!! Everyone!! Come quick!! Down in the basement! 

CLARK 

(to Ellen)

What now? What could he have done, he has only been unsupervised for a few short minutes.

EDDIE 

You won't believe this!!

They all go downstairs, and see that Rocky and his sister are singing "Jingle Bell Rock". Rocky isn't doing much, but words are exiting his mouth.

Catherine runs to her children and hug them smiling and squeeling with delight!

Eddie walks towards Clark.

EDDIE 

Can you believe this? My son, the mute is singing! I don't know how to thank you Clark.

CLARK 

Don't mention it Eddie. 

EDDIE 

Again, the not mentioning it thing. Hmm -

CLARK 

Eddie, you are impossible.

EDDIE 

Yeah, but you gotta admit, you love me!

CLARK 

That's right Ed. Now go watch your son sing!

EDDIE 

Thanks, Clark!

Eddie walks over to his son and everybody begins joining in by singing with the kids. Ellen kisses her husband in the back of the room. And pecks the dimple on his chin.

ELLEN 

You did it again, Sparky!

CLARK 

Thanks, Sweetheart! Merry Christmas!

ELLEN 

Merry Christmas! 

Ellen joins the others. Clark stays behind and watches his family. Then says to himself...

CLARK 

It's a wonderful life indeed!

FADE OUT:

END CREDITS.


End file.
